Let’s check in with Pete as he continues on his inner-west beat!
I’ve read this thing a few times and was never sure if it was real or not, but here’s one for you anyway. My workplace ‘does’ cakes. It honestly feels like it’s every day. Birthdays, someone’s leaving, having a baby, going on long service leave, whatever. If you did a study on the productivity lost to cakes in here the results would be shocking. Anyway it was my birthday and they gave me a cake and lit the candles and then as they are singing the song the organiser hands me a big envelope and says ‘this is for the candles’. This comment didn’t really click until after I had blown them all out and saw the horrified look on my team’s faces. Apparently I was supposed to use the envelope to, I don’t know, like wave the candles out or something instead of blowing, which it turns out was a huge faux pas. They then cut about an inch off the top of the cake before anyone would eat it. I’ve never heard of this but it’s bothered me for a few weeks. When did we stop blowing out candles, and why didn’t I get the memo?
Toni, West Footscray (via email)
Oh Toni, blowing out candles went “out” about the time hand sanitisers in the office and wearing surgical masks in public came “in”. So about two weeks ago in my estimation… OK first of all let’s gather some facts. Do you tend to drool? Sweat a lot? Get things like spinach and muesli stuck in your teeth? Because it could be that your team are noticing things that could have a serious impact on the blowing of air on a cake, but are just too polite to point them out to you. Imagine the horror – you’ve just slaved away for hours to produce a cream sponge cake with passionfruit and lemon icing and present it at morning tea, just to see it covered with slobber, or the remnants of someone’s ‘big breakfast’! Though to be fair it could be worse, you could have sneezed on it! Nothings saving that cake!
Pete the other day I’m in the Post office, waited ages to get to the counter only to find out they were out of stamps. Had to double check I hadn’t walked into a frozen yogurt shop by mistake. I’m sorry, but what’s the point of a post office if they don’t have stamps?
Stuart, Seddon (via email)
Stuart the answer to this question is as obvious as it is ironic – and thanks for the setup by the way, we could be a comedy duo (to be clear, you’d be the straight guy). The most likely answer is that the stamps probably got lost in the post! Either that or maybe a few posties have started collecting them! Aah just like the good old days when it was a free for all…
Hey Pete, my favourite pizza place is under new management, I’ve ordered the same pizza every Friday night for the last 8 years, a small capricciosa cut into eight. But the new guy insists on cutting it into six. Why?
Dave, Footscray (via FB messenger)
My first instinct is one of anger Dave. You are being ripped off my friend. You’ve always got eight slices and now you’re only getting six. Somethings fishy here and it’s not the anchovy. But then I thought about it – and got out my protractor and compass and did some mathematical calculations with the help of a cardboard pizza I mocked up. It was quite realistic actually, I even got out my old textas and drew a few bits of salami and a couple of mushrooms for effect. After a bit of trial and error, here’s what I concluded: THIS IS AN OUTRAGE AND YOU ARE DEFINITELY BEING RIPPED OFF DAVE. (With a secondary, and less likely conclusion that there’s absolutely no difference in the quantity of pizza you’re getting and that maths isn’t my strong suit). Yeah whatever…