By Dr Mark Brophy
Much ado over nothing?
Not for those who dare sail the high teas.
The fearless buccaneers of the SS White With Two.
The unsung pinkie pointing pirate heroes who battle the perils of a tea cup tempest with gay abandon.
Let’s have a little sip at the bold adventures of the stoic crew in the course of a typical afternoon tea.
After a hearty English breakfast of cucumber sandwiches, the Galley Chef, Jolly Jasmine gets to work carefully laying milk slicks.
Swashbuckler Sparrow Strainer swings his cutlass with gusto to isolate teabags from their teatab.
Black Tea Puffy Pants, on the crow’s nest keeps an eye out for threatening Ginger Nut biscuit floaties, but the sight of sugar cubes would bring a warning cry of ‘Thar she throws – shiver me doilies!’.
Reacting, Sharkbait Jack the Helmsman has outstanding dexterity at darjeeling crumbs and sugar cubes.
Bell Diver, Green Tea O’Greedy risks life and limb, descending many fathoms into the murky depths, tempting his fate, just to alter the destiny of others, by moving tea leaves about.
A strainer monsoon or vigorous teaspoon stir puts the crew all at sea. ‘Batten down the hatches – thars a storm a brewin!’.
Ship Mate Teapot Twinings, is well aware of the risk of scurvy. A slice of lemon was always welcomed.
Then there was Silly Shipmate Silverware, who would often claim to see a flying saucer, but most believed it to be beneath them.
Some surprises were welcomed, like the old dash of sherry, and the famous Captain Earl Grey leading a wholehearted rendition of Drunken Sailor.
All in all, a happy lot of lads. Content with their modest life in a tea cup.
As the cream rises to the top, we wish them fair weather as they sail on an even keel onto new tea party adventures.