Some of my closest friends are Straight, Christian, Conservative, Married, Pro-Family and Homophobic so I thought I’d help them out (hey, I’m trying to be INCLUSIVE…isn’t that what this same-sex marriage plebiscite/survey/postal vote is about?)


    1. You’re Christian

    I’m preaching to the converted here (literally, in some cases) but true Christian values are humanities’ values; love, compassion, dignity and truth. My favourite quote from the impressive number of Christians lobbying for inclusive change to the Marriage Act is I believe, true for all faiths and hugely pertinent now;

    “God values Love over everything else” (Rev. Mel Clarke, Bendigo)

    But, if you like to take the Gospel literally…

    Nowhere in the Holy Bible is it written that marriage must be between a man and woman. While not specifically talking about our un-PC mates Adam and Steve getting hitched, The Old Testament does advocate marriages vastly divergent from our modern man-and-woman-in-love mindset, including polyamory and specific directives for female victims to marry their rapist (Deuteronomy 22:28-29) and widows to wed their brother-in-law (or be stoned to death.) Genesis 39:6-10.

    So much for the ol’ “because the Bible says so” argument.

    2. You’re Conservative

    Individual freedom, as you would know, is a driving value of contemporary Neo-Liberal Conservatism. Succinctly described by hallowed Liberal Conservative John Stewart Mill thusly; “The actions of individuals should only be limited to prevent harm to other individuals”, the idea that politicians should be able to inhibit your choices is an anathema to Neo Liberal and modern Conservative philosophy.

    As the British Tory Party’s PM David Cameron put it when he successfully introduced marriage equality to the UK; “I support gay marriage not despite being a Conservative but because I am a Conservative’. So should you.

    3. You’re pro-family

    Awesome! You obviously love children and believe that their welfare is paramount in our society. The children of the 3,000+ families with same-sex parents in Australia need you to allow them the security, dignity and happiness that marriage can bring.

    They also want to remind you (not that you should have to be reminded by a child) that this vote is purely and simply about same-sex MARRIAGE, and nothing to do with ‘Safe Schools’, the education curriculum, gender fluidity, gay sex, marrying inanimate objects, paedophilia, or eating children’s corpses (sorry, I got carried away), or otherwise trying to scare the bejeezus out of you to get you to vote No.

    4. You’re married

    If you enjoy the privilege of marriage (it’s currently a ‘privilege’ because you get it while others are excluded) you therefore carry associated responsibilities, unless you want to eventually lose said privilege. Think of leaders like France’s Louis the 16th or Bronwyn ‘Chopper’ Bishop whose privilege and power ‘went to their heads’ (with the former losing his). To deny your privilege to others purely because of their sexuality is surely proving that you are not worthy of the privilege your society has granted you (purely because of your sexuality).

    Oh, you also personally know the joy and security that marriage brings, and true joy likes to be shared.

    5. You’re homophobic

    Literally meaning ‘fear of homosexuality and homosexuals’, homophobic individuals should logically be scared witless at the thought of what said scary non-straights might do should their basic rights be denied. The notion of what a gaggle of vengeful gays might be capable of should surely have any self-respecting fag-fearer quacking in their bovver boots.

    Oh, and if you think being gay is a choice, I’d strongly advise you to choose to be homosexual for a bit. A little spell as a lesbian or gay man might just give you the insightful, from-behind-the-enemy-lines ammunition you need to get some understanding of why the hell these people want the same rights as straight people.

    Play it safe and vote Yes-for-Yellow, Affirmative-for-Afraid (or use any other memory-pneumonic you might need to help you remember what to do, you Neanderthal-Nancy, you).

    But seriously, this is a deeply personal and profoundly important issue for me, my family, my dear friends and our community and society in general. My love of Australians and our ‘fair-go’ attitude is being tested beyond what I thought it ever could.

    Please make the effort….OUR equality depends on it.

    THE WINGATE DUMBOCRACY: Peter Wingate immigrated to Yarraville from the leafy East before it was even trendy and likes to spend his days studying education (don’t get an education, just study it), cooking, avoiding making art, and pondering fantasies like living in a representative democracy that is one and, having his hands around the neck of <insert name of particularly inane politician here>


    1. The Bible is clearly against homosexuality and same sex marriage – stating otherwise is a lie. As to the rest of your comments, well there is nothing you say that legitimately justifies redefining marriage to include same sex couples….in fact, I have only heard propaganda slogans, emotive stories, Socialist manipulation/indoctrination/bullying and fake play-acting crocodile tears by actors on talk shows, but no legitimate reason to redefine marriage to include same sex couples.

    2. Dear Neil,
      It’s great to hear from another passionate Dumbocracy reader (no matter how rambling and logically incoherent your response was). I always say that it’s the diversity of people the West that makes it great …and you certainly are ‘unique’ 🙂 Compassion, tolerance and some semblance of intellect seem to be traits of every Tom, Dick and Harry these days!
      I honestly thought I’d addressed your (unsubstantiated) claim that there is ‘no legitimate reason’ for marriage equality by giving you 5…You’ll recall (a turn-of-phrase; I’m fully aware that cognitive function isn’t your strong point) that they can all be pretty much summarised thusly: ‘DON’T BE A HATEFUL SOCIOPATH’.
      What else can I help you with? Oh, the bible being ‘against homosexuality and same sex marriage’. When we make (highly dubious) statements like this it’s important to SPECIFICALLY REFERENCE your evidence in said holy book (as I did when i mentioned that it states female victims should marry their rapist (DEUTERONOMY 22:28-29)). Without supporting evidence you may as well argue that you’re a unicorn, rather than an angry old white man (which, admit it, you are…call me psychic).

      Kind Regards,
      Peter Wingate,
      The Wingate Dumbocracy
      The Westsider Newspaper

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