Diligently solving the first world problems of the inhabitants of the inner-west.

    Pete now that we’re stuck indoors, a few little dilemmas are popping up around the house. Number one (obviously after the lack of space to store all our toilet paper) is this: why is Stan so much slower than Netflix?

    Dave, West Footscray (via email)

    Dave my friend, you have stumbled upon one of human-kind’s great mysteries. What is the meaning of life? Is the question really just the answer? And why is Stan soooo slow? Aristotle once said “It is during our darkest moments that we must focus to see the light.” I’m not sure what that means, but it feels wise. Maybe he is saying turn off your TV and go and stand out in your backyard and absorb some vitamin D from the only friend you are actually allowed to see: the Sun. And as for your stash of loo roll, I think Aristotle had that covered too: “Thou wilt find rest from vain fancies if thou doest every act in life as though it were thy last.” In other words – stop hoarding!

    Pete I upset someone in an op-shop the other day. There was an older gentleman trying on a few clothes that, to be honest were “not becoming” as my Gran used to say. Anyway the last straw was this woeful hat he put on. I couldn’t resist, I looked at him and just said “Noooo…” and added a sort of laugh so he’d realise I was just trying to be helpful. He just looked at me, dropped all the clothes he was holding on the ground, adjusted the offending hat with a bit of a “hummrph”, and stormed off. It was then I realised of course that the hat had been his own all along! My bad!.

    Karen, Altona (via email)

    My first question is, what were you doing in an op-shop Karen? Stocking up on plaid? Looking for some crystal-ware to match your ones at home? Or trying to find another copy of that Engelbert Humperdinck LP your friends hid from you after your most recent intervention? Anyway, that happened to me back when I had hair. I was sitting in the barbers waiting for my number one scissor-man “Steve” to finish a nose-hair trim on some old coot so he could come over and take my cash for the swish cut he’d just given me, when a bloke walked in, looked at me and said “Looks like you’ve made it just in time”, indicating my hair style was not up to scratch. But it was all good, they didn’t call Steve “slasher” for nothing!

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