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    ASK PETE – YOUR FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS SOLVED!

    Date:

    Pete here’s one for you, now that we are in lockdown I have to order all my food online and get it delivered, but the supermarket always seems to get one thing wrong! Last week they sent me Hass avocados instead of Shepard, and the week before it was frozen Chilean blueberries, completely ignoring my explicit request for “fresh, single-origin, locally sourced and packed” blueberries. One time they even sent me non-organic yoghurt! In the current situation it’s just getting out of control. What do we do?

    Tarquin, Seddon (via email)

    Oh dear Tarquin, yes you are getting out of control aren’t you? And here I am, just being grateful for a roof over my head, beer in the fridge, and just enough cheese to smother across a massive serve of nachos tonight. All I can say is – thanks for putting it all in perspective for me. That beer in the fridge, the cheapo brand that’s $32 bucks a slab from Dans? I should be demanding an amber ale! Wait, no, I should be demanding an AUTUMNAL amber ale! And no more cheddar cheese for me, I’m going to insist on slathering those organic blue corn chips with that fancy French stuff they sell at the deli… oh yeah Fromager Daffinois! Tarquin, you have inspired me! No, not to eat better in isolation, just to complain much more!

    Pete I read during the week that if a Coronavirus vaccine becomes available the government will make it mandatory. To me it’s just proof of the hidden agenda and I will not be getting it and my kids won’t be either. Will you be?

    Sasha, Footscray (Sent via Facebook Messenger from my iPhone)

    Sasha, look we know that vaccines are bad, I mean, what did they ever do for polio or smallpox – it’s shocking! But I sense there might be more than just an element of other-worldly concern in your tone. You’re not a follower of a well-known, ex-celebrity chef that is currently marketing “wellness and truth” centres in Northern NSW are you? A person who believes that Coronavirus is fake and any “vaccine” is just so the government can microchip us? Yet if any of that were true they could have told us the vaccine was ready months ago, couldn’t they? All that time wasted while the government could have been micro-chipping the people, and following your every move! Which they can’t do now can they, it’s not like you literally have your own personal tracking device permanently attached to your hand in a vice-like grip, is it? As for the vaccine – sign me up and microchip away baby! This Pete wants to see his grandkids this century!

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