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Sick of waiting for the Darth Vader onesie you bought on ebay? Wish craft beer had a longer shelf life? Yearning for the return of new Coke? Well read on, because Pete has a little dose of what you need…

Pete while my partner was trying on sunglasses in David Jones last week, I flicked through some social etiquette book that outlined all the things in life one should not do – and I’m doing most of them! Its quite distressing.

Leo, Newport.

What you should do is… Have faith Leo. I too have read such books. Granted, I was not treating my local David Jones like a library, but I know they’re out there. Books like “I know you think you know it all”, “Who will rid me of this turbulent hipster?” and “The definitive guide for the modern wanker”. Those books are all blueprints for conformity Leo. Ignore them, embrace the age of the individual, and stop using the phrase “one should not”. You’ll be fine.


Pete there’s a new wine bar that’s popped up, I love everything about it – the decor, the wine list, the crowd – but they serve their beer too cold. Should I stick it out?

Lex, Kingsville South

What you should do is… Grin and bear it Lex. You’re already pushing the envelope mate, talking about decor and wine lists – next thing you’ll be telling me is you own a French bulldog, and that you’ve recently discovered snuff. I think the best advice I can give you is that if your beer’s too cold, blow some of that hot air onto the glass – you seem to have plenty of it.


Pete our household is having a salad dressing crisis meeting at our place as I write this. The vote? Two for and two against. Where does that leave us?

What you should do is… See this is the problem with salads, they’re soooo divisive. If you over dress, it’s like eating a well used dish-cloth, but if don’t put enough dressing on it, it ends up tasting, well, like salad! Ha, you thought I was going to say stop eating salad, didn’t you? No, what you should do is stop holding ‘household crisis meetings’.

Leonie, Williamstown.

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