ASK PETE YOUR FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS SOLVED!

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Diligently solving the first world problems of the inhabitants of the inner-west.

Pete all these lefties are starting to drive me mad, every day I read in the paper that they want to change this name or ban that word. It’s beyond a joke and I have had a gutful!

Graham, Newport (via email)

Graham what paper is this you are reading? I suspect it’s not The Westsider, but some other little newspaper, published by an American who hates us but still wants us to buy his daily rags, watch his garbage TV networks and vote for his stale old white male mates. And why do you reckon his “news” editorials torture you with stories about changing the name of Jatz Crackers and selling off Weet-Bix to the Seventh Day Adventists? GRAHAM IT’S SO YOU DON’T NOTICE WHAT’S REALLY GOING ON OVER THERE BEHIND YOU! YES BEHIND YOU! Billionaires getting richer, the environment getting trashed, and you being fooled into thinking whether we call those tiny little coloured sugar balls “sprinkles” or “hundreds and thousands” is the super-important thing you need to be angry about while you go about your day!


Pete I’m not sure whether I should get this vaccine when it’s my turn and was wondering what you were going to do?

Heather, West Footscray (via Facebook Messenger)

Heather let me tell you what I am going to do! I don’t actually live in a society that needs my help to fight common causes like pandemics – I live in a decommissioned lighthouse on a large rock in the middle of the Great Southern Ocean, 3,000kms from the nearest scraps of civilisation – I am therefore going to donate my vaccine to a less-fortunate nation that is currently being deprived of the medical supplies they so desperately need so that flakes in wealthy nations can dither over their personal privilege while they sip their Kombucha. Next!  

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