ASK PETE YOUR FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS SOLVED!

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Diligently solving the first world problems of the inhabitants of the inner-west.

Hi Pete, about 2 months after the NBN was installed in our house we started to hear a loud BEEP every 15 minutes. I asked my internet provider about it and they said that the battery needed replacing. Of course my initial reaction was “battery – WTF?”, but after doing my own research it seems there is indeed a battery, but it only only backs up the NBN service in case of a power outage, which seems kinda dumb and uneccessary really, considering if the power is out, won’t my modem be without power too? Pete you understand these things, do your worst.

Dave S, Spotswood (via email)

Dave, your problem is that you’re seeking sense in Government spending. Surely you understand by now that if a national project roll-out to 10 million homes and businesses costing 50 gazillion dollars is happening, there’s always going to be multiple people out there trying to get their noses in the trough. The end result? Nudge-nudge, wink-wink and a rollout that costs 50 gazillion dollars suddenly costs 55 gazillion dollars and some battery salesman somewhere is driving 3 different Mazeratis depending on the time of day – all so that every household in Australia can sleep safe in the knowledge that when the power grid goes down, so does the NBN. Except of course if that bloody BEEP is going off all night! OK, I can hear people out there yelling “What about the people with landlines?”,  “Medical alarms?”,  “Generator back ups?” What can I say: let’s celebrate a roll-out of 9,999,997 useless batteries then!


Pete OK now that this COVID hoax is over what am I meant to do with the 20 millions masks I had to buy? I can’t take them back because they’re used. Totally stupid.

Taylor, Hoppers Crossing (via Facebook Messenger)

Thanks for the news Taylor, I didn’t realise COVID was “over”, that’s a relief! So let’s just step through this slowly as I feel like you could be challenged by logic. Firstly, did you look at my picture before you wrote in? If you had, you would have realised that this is “Ask Pete”, not “Ask Pete Evans”! Second, you know you probably could take those masks back and claim they were unused, because let’s face it, you never wore them over your nose, did you? And lastly, if the “COVID hoax” is over, then why am I not currently a robot under the mind-control of the government? Actually that may not be too bad – I could get much needed replacement parts and upgrades for free!  

 

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