Uh oh – Pete is at it again. Oh won’t you ever learn?
Hi Pete. OK we have construction next door, I get that it’s progress and everything, they are allowed to start at 7am but how’s this – they do the noisiest thing like drilling or cutting concrete first up, maybe takes 10 or 15 minutes (wake up!!) then they are pretty quiet the rest of the day! Is that fair!?
Mark, Seddon (via email)
Mark, what kind of building site is this? Noisy for 10 minutes then quiet the rest of the day? Do these builders even know their AC/DC from their Air Supply? They have the legal right to push the decibels for 13 hours a day and any that do not take this seriously should be stripped of all rights and made to listen to Taylor Swift from dawn to dusk. Or at least get creative – let’s face it there are so many activities that can frighten and frustrate neighbours once the concrete cutting is done – there’s the hammering, the yelling and swearing at apprentices, power generators, pneumatic tools, reckon some of those electronic paint guns are pretty loud, and if all else fails, they can turn their radios up to 11 and blast you with Triple MMM – even if they’ve left the site for a Big M and coffee scroll. “Mamma-mia, mamma-mia, mamma-mia figaro!”
Pete here’s a classic for you, I was collecting my bag off the belt at the airport when I spotted a bloke snap it up and head quickly for the exit. It’s quite a unique colour and shape, hard to miss really, so naturally I chased after him and confronted him. He denied any wrongdoing and then we did the “it’s my bag” and “no it isn’t, its mine” thing back and forth which ended up going on for a bit. In the end I demanded he open the bag and prove it, which he reluctantly did. And then I immediately wished he had not as I it turned out it was in fact not only his bag but it contained some unspeakable things that I can’t unsee. But what else could I have done?
“Baz”, West Footscray (via Facebook)
There’s two things that need expanding on here Baz. Firstly, the fact that you have managed to procure a bag that, your protestations aside, has at least one doppelganger out there should be seen as nothing but a moment of opportunity. It’s like when you’re out driving and you see your exact make, model and colour of car – only much cleaner and newer looking, and probably with half the kms on the clock. Will your key open it? No harm in trying. Baz, this was your chance for a guilt-free upgrade of your beat-up baggage and you botched it. Which brings me to the second, more problematic point – the disturbing, potentially dodgy contents. What are we talking about here? Edible underwear? Suspicious white powder? Pirated Kanye West CDs? Edible Kayne West underwear covered in a suspicious white powder? Perhaps you should have pointed him out to Border Control, and caused a diversion!
Pete I had a sleepless night on holiday recently when some people in the hallway outside my hotel room decided that was the best place to have a massive argument. They probably just didn’t want to disturb anyone in their own room. But then I thought that this is actually pretty common human behaviour, people often remove themselves from friends and family to annoy others. Or am I just over-thinking here?
Kamil, Altona North (via Facebook messenger)
You might be on to something Kamil! Smokers at your cafe’s outdoor tables who thoughtfully hold their cigarette away from their loved ones and just about drop ash in your Carbonara. Movie goers who talk throughout the feature presentation like they’re sitting in their own living room. Office workers who leave their desk and team and walk over to your area to engage in loud mobile phone conversations. No, it’s not just you, human kind has been doing this since caveman days – when instead of grunting at high volume outside their own cave and potentially waking the little cave-ettes, they would go and practise a bit of Prehistoric Parenting 101 and carry on in front of some other poor sod’s cave!