Q. I’ve been feeling really low since losing my dog. My whole routine has fallen apart. Is that a normal part of grief?
A.Yes, completely normal, and more common than people realise.
When you share your life with a dog, your entire day is built around them. Morning walks, specific parks, cafes with outdoor seating, dog-friendly beaches, and weekends away in dog-friendly accommodation. Night cuddles on the couch, watching TV, maybe even a nightly fight for the best spot on the bed. A whole little world centred around one animal.
When they’re gone, it’s not just the loss of a companion. It’s the loss of a structure, a rhythm, a reason to get up and get out. You might feel a little listless. I know I did, and that feeling makes complete sense.
Your routine fell apart because your dog was genuinely woven into your life. That’s totally understandable; they were in your routine. That’s not weakness. That’s love.
For me, after losing Walter, my 15-year-old border collie x kelpie, I was knocked about more than I expected, even weeks and months later. In the peak of the grief, the days following, I needed alone time, low stimulation, nourishing food, and permission to feel my feelings without judgment. There were days I didn’t change out of my pyjamas and needed chicken soup, and that was okay.
There is no right or wrong way to grieve, and everyone moves through it differently. Some people feel it immediately, others weeks or months later. Some bounce back quickly, others need more time. All of it is valid.
Grief is simply love with nowhere left to go. The pain you feel is not a sign that something is wrong. It is the price of having loved something so fully.
What I’d encourage you to do is resist the pressure to be okay before you’re ready. Let yourself feel it. Lean on people who won’t try to rush you through it or talk you out of your sadness. I want you to know that healing is not linear. The places that once brought you both so much joy, a favourite beach, a familiar walking track, can stop you in your tracks long after you thought you were doing fine.
This happened to me recently. Walking into the beautiful Altona dog beach brought a wave of tears as I fondly remembered bringing Walter there and felt the weight of missing him all over again. You might find yourself smiling at a memory and feel tears rise in the very same moment. A place that once made your dog’s whole body wriggle with excitement can bring a fond memory and a sharp stab of grief at the same time.
Grief has a way of staying with us, and maybe that’s okay. We don’t get over it so much as we grow around it. Happy memories might always come with a little pinch of sadness, and some days that pinch is sharper than others. A silly thing you see, a place you visited together, a sound that reminds you of them. That pull on your heartstrings is just love, doing what love does.
Grief is normal, but if a few weeks have passed and you’re still finding it hard to get through the day, or sadness is tipping into hopelessness and helplessness, please consider speaking with a mental health professional.
Thank you for this important article.