ASK PETE! YOUR FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS SOLVED (DEC)

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Despite calls for our old mate ‘Pete’ to be put out to pasture, The Westsider wishes to advise that his presence and ‘wisdom’ will continue to hover over our doorstep like a dark shadow for at least another edition. When will you people learn…?

Pete I can’t stand summer. The hot weather, the sand and sunscreen wedged into unmentionable places, crowds everywhere, and the traffic! Oh the traffic! How do you cope?

Graham, Williamstown Beach (via actual ‘real’ letter)

Wow, a letter Graham – I’m impressed! Not only have you gone to the effort to write, put your letter in an envelope, stick on a stamp and seal it, but you’ve had to leave your beachside palace to wander down to the local post box! But to answer your question, how do I cope with all those long sunny days, warm summer breezes, BBQs, margaritas by the pool and the clearly discernible general lift in society’s spirits after a long cold winter? Or how do I cope not living right on the beach, in a 2 million dollar property 52 weeks of the year? Well Graham, when I’m feeling down and wondering what life (and summer in particular) is all about, I like to pull the covers off my souped up ‘68 Holden Monaro, drive down to Williamstown Beach and do burnouts outside your place!


Hi Pete, I’ve got this problem with our air-conditioning. Sure, it’s great and everything to cool off, but before long it becomes TOO cold, and I have to go put on a jumper. Surely it’s not meant to be this hard?

Dave, Footscray (via FB)

Dave this sounds like the perfect opportunity to buy one of those gaudy festive wool-knits with lights, reindeers and baubles that you’ve always wanted, but no-one would ever let you buy! I can just imagine how the conversation would go; Her: “Dave take that stupid jumper off!” You: “But I’m cold – we could just turn off the air-conditioning and save some money, energy prices are going through the roof you know…” Her: “Well… OK, but can you at least turn those lights off!” Ha Ha, Christmas 1, Grinch 0.


Hey Pete, I just bought an amazing jacket off amazon, but the weather we’ve had recently has made me realise I’m not going to be able to wear it for 6 months! Now what?

Vanessa, Spotswood (via email)

Ah yes, the lament of the online shopper. I bought a snowmobile the other week – a real steal it was – then realised I wouldn’t be able to use it until winter! Then of course I thought about it some more, and it dawned on me that I’m probably never going to be able to use it ever! A close second is the bagel slicer I bought, forgetting how chewy and stale bagels are no matter how fresh you buy them. And don’t get me started on that four acres I bought on the moon! They promised me I’d get to visit it in my lifetime! They promised me!

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