ASK PETE – NOVEMBER

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Forgot your PIN? Someone putting empty containers back in the fridge? Can’t find the ‘good’ scissors? Well Pete feels your pain, and has the answers to your pesky first world problems.

Long time reader first time writer Pete, but I’ve noticed you seem to know a bit about dogs. So what am I supposed to do down at the park when the person before me rips off the last ten dog-poo bags from the dispenser, leaving me with none?

Ken, Yarraville

Pete says: “What you should do is… toughen up Ken! Back when I first owned a dog, do you think they had poo-bags? No, those of us who weren’t brave enough to let their mutt leave a steaming pile on the neighbour’s nature strip would have to walk the streets with a dustpan and brush. And hey, it could be worse, the council could just provide paper bags, or worse still – straws!  But back to the point, your question isn’t really about dogs, the park, or council services – it’s about selfishness, and there my friend I can’t help you, as I know only a world where people give, share, and live in constant peace and harmony. Pfft, yeah right, next time you’re at the park, you should take a hundred poo-bags, then imagine the bag dispenser is a Yarraville parking meter, and pour 3 litres of super glue into the hole so no one else can use it!

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Pete I went to the movies last week to see that flick about living on Mars, and blow me down if the long periods of “space silence” and solitude weren’t constantly interrupted by several persistent coughers. Surely if you’ve got a cough, the movies is the last place you should be going?

Keira, Newport

Pete says: “What you should do is… round up all those coughers Keira and put them on the next shuttle to Mars! You see, in space apparently no one can hear you scream, so it stands to reason that no one will hear them cough either – problem solved!

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Pete I’m at my wits end with runners. No, not the things you put on your feet, but those people that just can’t help themselves whenever they’re in a public space – they have to be bloody running. Where are the going? What are they running from? Why do they need so much space? Why do they look at anyone not running with such disdain? Answers please!

Kevin, West Footscray

Pete says: “What you should do is… feel sorry for those poor folk. You know, a well known Sydney entrepreneur once said that “Anyone over 40 who still takes public transport (as opposed to grabbing a taxi or limousine) hasn’t done enough with their life”. The same could be said for running. I mean lets face it, public transport has its limitations, but taxis will take you literally anywhere, so there’s no excuse. No Kevin, you’re never going to drive these endorphin-charged loonies off the roads, footpaths and walking tracks of this world, but if you’re feeling a bit childish next time you’re passing a runner, yell out “Run Forest, Run!” in that really annoying high-pitched Jenn-ay voice, they really hate that. Er, I’ve been told. By someone else.

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