ASK PETE – MARCH 2017

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He’s back by unpopular demand, with the solutions to all of your first world problems – and all you have to do is… Ask Pete!

Pete I see this newspaper’s going to be back in print, but why don’t you just do keep it online so only people who want it get it? I’m sick of newspapers clogging my letterbox.

Gary, Williamstown (via Facebook post)

Tsk, Gary, Gary, Gary. I return from my forced hiatus, full to the brim of positive energy, hope and enthusiasm, ready to heal the tortured souls of the inner-west and this is what you choose to ask me? I mean, couldn’t you at least know what The Westsider is before asking about it? Sigh. OK then, here goes. What you should do is… make a sign that says “No local newspapers except for The Westsider!” and affix it to your letterbox. Of course, that would be mean you wouldn’t get any newspapers at all, because The Westsider is of course a PICK-UP PAPER, it doesn’t get the same treatment as the other local newspapers, you know; a) insert into letterbox, b) extract from letterbox, c) insert into recycle bin. Only people who want it, get it, which is what makes it so awesome. That and the fact that it isn’t 80% advertising, or owned by Murdoch.


Pete thank God you’re back! I received a speeding fine the other day and have 28 days to pay it (21 now). I heard there might be ways to contest it or maybe write a letter, what would you advise?

Sharon, Altona North (via Facebook Messenger)

Sharon I have two ideas for you. Firstly I noticed in your message you thanked God. While I’m not averse to being on the receiving end of a bit of quiet worship myself, I suspect that you may be closer to the great God above than I am currently. Oh it’s not that I’m a bad person or anything, pffft far from it considering I spend so many countless, thankless hours helping those with dire emotional needs such as yours. No its just that I see a sort of conflict of interest between him and me, as we seem to be kind of in the same business, you know, answering calls for help. Anyway off topic. What you should do is… ASK GOD! And if that doesnt work by say the final day on the infringement notice, er, you could just pay the sucker like everybody else?


Pete I’m freakin’ out a little, I’ve been following this health guru David Wolfe on Twitter since last week when I bought a very expensive Nutribullet. Now he’s tweeting that mushrooms come from outer space and gravity is a toxin. Is it possible I’ve wasted $400 on this thing?

Cate, Seddon (via email)

Is this the David Wolfe otherwise known as David ‘Avocado’ Wolfe? So let me get this straight. You bought a $400 blender recommended by a guy who’s named after a fruit, and you’re asking me if it perhaps it wasn’t the wisest decision ever? Hmm… What you should do is… buy Pete’s new improved ‘Bald-buster Pro’™! Its only $299 over 4 easy payments, including all accessories! Order now and I’ll include a 50 page ‘Pro’ book featuring the 10 most effective exercises, recipes and one-liners!

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