By Carley McGauran
Tears streamed down my face as the credits rolled.
“Mum, they’re not real people — it’s just a show,” my teenage daughter reminded me.
We had just finished watching Adolescence, the hit Netflix drama that has gripped viewers and sparked conversations in homes like ours. But for me, the emotional weight wasn’t just about the story — it was about what it revealed, and reminded me of, as a parent.
She’s right, they weren’t real people, it’s not even based on a true story. The mini series centred around a 13 year old character Jaime who is arrested for the murder of a female classmate. It explored the themes of online radicalisation, toxic masculinity, incel culture, and the role of social media.
My tears weren’t just about this. I know about the risks of kids online, I work in this space. I have struggled as a parent putting in place boundaries for my kids over the years that come close to providing some safety in the avalanche of content and risks my kids are exposed to in this digital world. I hear through my work some of the worst case scenarios for kids online.
My tears were mostly about feeling the grief that engulfed his parents who realised they had lost their son. He was now in prison, gone. But they realised that they had lost him long before this. They had lost connection with their teenage son. Bit by bit. Right in front of them. Him shutting his door. On the computer, headphones on and connected online.
As a parent of three teenagers, a psychologist, and someone who works closely with primary school communities on the topic of raising kids in a digital world, I’ve been asked the same question repeatedly in recent weeks: “What did you think of Adolescence?”
So — what do I think?
I think the experience of watching the show was pretty special, the acting was incredible, my kids all wholeheartedly agreed. I think it has had an extraordinary impact in sparking conversations about the ways in which our kids (all of our kids) are at risk online. But mostly what I think is that it helped me. It helped me as a mum to anchor back to what I know our kids need from us as their parents. Especially our teens. For us to keep on showing up in ways to create moments of connection. These moments matter. To hang in there even when it seems they really don’t want to ‘connect’ with us. To keep reaching out even when their answer may often be ‘no’.
In my own family, maintaining connection with my three children through the tween and teen years has looked like many small, everyday gestures. Knocking on their door to leave a snack beside them while they study. Cook together. Asking if they want to go for a run or walk with me. A rub on their shoulders as I walk past. Inviting them to go for a milkshake. Watching a TV series together. Leaving an ‘I love you’ note for them to find. A curious question about some headline in the news. Buying a little sweet treat I know they love. Asking after their friends online or offline. Meals together at the table. Requesting a song playlist from them as we drive together. Asking their opinion on something. Getting them to help me sort a household issue. Playing board games together. Offering to drop them and their friends somewhere.
All this of course happens in and amongst the messiness of all families, the chores, the slammed doors, the rushing, the cross words, the misunderstandings, the tears and the tough conversations.
Maybe you needed to hear this. Keep going. Know that every moment of connection matters.
Carley McGauran (psychologist and cyber safety educator) is part of the Inform & Empower team. Inform & Empower is a Trusted eSafety Provider based in Footscray who partner with over 250 primary schools around Australia.
