By Marie Vakakis
Anxiety is normal. We NEED it. It’s a feeling we all have from time to time.
And while there has been an increased understanding of anxiety not all of it has been positive. Some people pathologise what could be considered an appropriate response (like anxiety) in some settings, to mean there is an illness or a disorder, while on the other side, some people ignore or dismiss very real and big anxiety for kids and teens. So let’s unpack what’s going on.
Anxiety as a feeling is a normal response to stress or uncertainty. We might feel nervous before a job interview, a flight, or even dinner with people we don’t know.
For teens, this might mean nerves before a big test or social anxiety at a party. But when anxiety becomes overwhelming and impacts daily life, it’s important to understand what’s happening and how to help.
Anxiety is part of your body’s natural fight, flight, freeze and fawn response, triggered when you sense danger—even if there’s no real threat. While this response can help in emergencies, it can become unhelpful in everyday situations like speaking in class or attending a social event.
Common symptoms of anxiety include:
- Physical: Racing heart, tight muscles, sweating, or stomach aches
- Emotional: Restlessness, fear, or difficulty focusing
- Psychological: Overthinking, excessive worry, intrusive thoughts, or catastrophising potential outcomes.
Avoidance and anxiety: A vicious cycle
When teens feel anxious, their first instinct is often to avoid the situation. Sometimes the adults in their lives help with this, taking away the ‘thing’ that’s making them anxious as a way to ‘help’. While this provides short-term relief, it reinforces their fear and makes the anxiety worse in the long run.
For example, skipping a presentation because of anxiety might lead to avoiding future opportunities, further lowering confidence. The best way to manage anxiety is through gradual exposure—facing fears in small, manageable steps and not avoiding it, not denying it; noticing it, accepting it and doing the things anyway. It’s also important to consider how triggers like academic pressure, social relationships (often amplified by social media), or concerns about the future can uniquely affect teens. Anxiety isn’t just about specific situations; it’s often tied to unhelpful thinking patterns or feelings of uncertainty.
Signs your teen may need extra help
So how do we separate it from a regular feeling and experience? It’s normal to feel anxious sometimes, but when anxiety starts interfering with daily life and goes on for more than six months, it might be time to seek professional support. Look for these signs:
- Avoiding school or social activities
- Constant worry or panic attacks
- Trouble sleeping or changes in appetite
- Physical symptoms like frequent headaches or stomach aches
Risk factors
Anxiety doesn’t develop in isolation. Various risk factors can increase a teen’s likelihood of experiencing it. These may include exposure to domestic violence, bullying, or traumatic events, as well as challenges like relationship problems, neglect, or substance use within the family.
Poor physical health or a family history of mental health conditions can also play a role. Understanding these factors is important because their mental health isn’t in a fixed state, it’s shaped by a balance of risk factors and protective factors, such as strong relationships, a sense of belonging, and self-efficacy. By addressing these risks early, we can help teens build resilience and reduce their vulnerability to anxiety.
How can parents help an anxious teen?
- Listen with empathy: Show understanding without trying to ‘fix’ things.
- Validate their feelings: Avoid phrases like ‘You’re overreacting.’ or ‘That’s not something to be worried about’ Those responses are very dismissive. Instead, say, ‘I can see why you’re anxious.’
- Encourage problem-solving: Let them tackle challenges while offering support. Don’t jump in and try to rescue them or fix it.
- Model self-care: Show them healthy coping strategies, like taking a walk or journaling.
If you’re noticing signs of anxiety in your teen, such as avoidance, persistent worry, or physical symptoms like headaches or trouble sleeping, don’t hesitate to seek professional support. Anxiety doesn’t have to hold them back.
If your teen needs help, there are effective treatments available, including:
- Therapy:
- Eye Movement Desensitisation and Reprocessing Therapy (EMDR) Therapy,
- Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT)
- Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) can help teens develop coping strategies.
- Family Therapy
- Lifestyle Changes: Regular exercise, healthy sleep, and mindfulness exercises can reduce symptoms.
- Professional Guidance: A GP or mental health professional can provide personalised advice.
Anxiety is a normal part of life, especially for teens navigating school, relationships, and new experiences. By recognising the signs early and providing support, you can help your teen build resilience and confidence to face life’s challenges.
Marie Vakakis is a Couple and Family Therapist and an Accredited Mental Health Social worker
