By Marie Vakakis
We’re scared to say the wrong thing. Not sure if we’ll make things worse.
It’s one of the most common fears when it comes to checking in on someone’s mental health. But reaching out with care and empathy can make a huge difference.
Maybe you’ve been asking yourself, how can I approach someone I’m worried about? How can I help a friend who seems down or overwhelmed? It’s not always easy to start these conversations, but they matter more than we often realise.
Here’s how to do it in a supportive and respectful way.
Start with the right time and place
Pick a private, comfortable setting where you won’t be interrupted. Make sure you both have time to talk. If you’re concerned about someone’s alcohol use, steer clear of pubs or parties.
How to open the conversation. It can help to ask first if they have time for a chat. Be honest and kind:
“I’ve noticed you haven’t seemed like yourself lately. Want to talk about it?”
Keep questions open and gentle:
“How have you been feeling lately?”
If you’re concerned about suicide, it’s important to ask directly. Asking will not make things worse. It shows that you care and gives them an opening to talk about something that might feel too hard to bring up themselves.
Listening matters more than fixing.
Listening isn’t about solving the problem. It’s about being fully present. Make eye contact. Put the phone away. Let them talk. You don’t need all the answers.
Phrases like “That sounds really hard” or “Thanks for telling me” can help someone feel seen and supported. You don’t need to agree with their point of view to validate their feelings.
What helps and what doesn’t.
Try saying:
“I’m here for you”
“Thanks for sharing that with me”
“Let’s figure this out together”
“I don’t know what to say right now, but I’m really glad you told me”
Avoid saying:
“Everything happens for a reason”
“Look on the bright side”
“That’s not so bad”
“Other people have it worse”
“Just snap out of it”
Even if meant kindly, these can feel dismissive or minimising.
Offer support, not solutions.
Ask what they need:
“What would help right now?”
You can suggest options like seeing a GP, counsellor, or psychologist, but try not to push. Offering to go with them or help make a call can ease some of the pressure.
At work, these skills are essential.
Supporting mental health isn’t just something we do at home. It matters at work, too. Just like we teach physical first aid, we need to give staff tools to recognise and respond to mental health concerns.
Mental Health First Aid (MHFA) training teaches people how to spot signs of distress, respond with care, and connect others to support. It’s practical and evidence-based.
Through MHFA, managers and team leaders learn how to:
Respond early when something feels off
Have safe, respectful conversations
Communicate without judgement
Build a culture where mental health is part of the conversation
Training can be delivered online or in person, depending on what works for your team.
Not just for work.
MHFA isn’t just a work skill. It helps you show up for the people in your life. You’ll learn how to notice when someone’s not OK, how to start a conversation, and how to be there without trying to fix everything.
Mental health affects all of us.
We all have mental health, just like we all have physical health. The more confident we are in having these conversations, the better we can support those around us.
If you want to build these skills, consider joining a Mental Health First Aid course. You don’t have to be a health professional. Just someone who cares.
Get in touch with Marie if you’d like to learn more about mental health training in your workplace,
Written by Marie Vakakis
AMHSW, Couple and Family Therapist, Mental Health Educator
The Therapy Hub Counselling and Psychology
Host of This Complex Life
