By Deborah Sugirthakumar
Every parent has faced it: a toddler mid-tantrum in the supermarket aisle, a school-aged child in tears over homework, a teenager slamming their bedroom door. In those moments, our reaction can either fuel the fire, or calm the storm.
Children learn how to regulate their emotions not just from what we tell them, but from what we show them. If we meet their big feelings with calm, patience, and understanding, they absorb these skills and carry them into adulthood.
1. Talk about feelings
Giving children words for their emotions helps them understand and manage what they’re experiencing.
Try: ‘It looks like you’re feeling frustrated because your tower fell down.’
When kids can label their feelings, they begin to take the first step toward controlling them.
2. Stay close during the storm
Instead of sending them away for ‘time-out,’ try ‘time-in.’ Sit beside them, keep your voice calm, and let them know you’re there. This builds safety, trust, and the confidence that they can handle strong emotions with your support.
3. Break challenges into small wins
Big tasks can overwhelm little minds. Break them into smaller steps, putting on socks, then shoes, then coat and celebrate each step. This approach helps children build persistence and problem solving skills.
4. Give them calming tools
Teach simple, kid-friendly techniques:
- Flower & Candle Breathing – Pretend to smell a flower, then blow out a candle.
- Counting to Ten – Slow and steady.
- Calm Corner – A space with soft toys, books, or sensory items.
These strategies give kids a ‘toolkit’ for tough moments and help them practice self-regulation.
Parenting tip box
- Model calm every day. Even small frustrations, like spilling coffee are teaching moments.
- Praise effort, not just results. ‘I’m proud of how you kept trying’ goes further than ‘Good job.’
- Keep routines steady. Predictability reduces emotional stress.
5. Boundaries with kindness
Rules create safety, but harsh discipline can damage trust. Positive discipline, clear expectations, calm consequences, and respect teaches self-control without fear.
6. Build emotional resilience
Resilience grows when children know they can try, fail, and try again with your support every step of the way. Programs like Tuning in to Kids have been shown to strengthen emotional skills and deepen parent-child relationships.
Your calm is more than just peace in the moment, it’s the foundation of your child’s emotional world. And it’s a gift they’ll carry for life.
