By Keerat Sidhu
Navigating the intricacies of modern dating can be a daunting task, especially when it comes to the age-old question: should a man pay on the first date? This debate, steeped in tradition and evolving social norms, is one that continues to elicit strong opinions from both sides. It has been further perpetuated by social media platforms such as Tiktok and Instagram, which showcase the plethora of perspectives, with some choosing to hit below the belt, resulting in insults and degrading comments.
The for case
Traditionally, men paying for the first date has been seen as a gesture of chivalry and respect, although as we all know, chivalry is now dead. Many believe it establishes a positive tone and demonstrates a level of seriousness and investment in the relationship.
Showing interest and generosity:
By paying, the man can show that he values the time spent together and is genuinely interested in getting to know his date. It’s a way of expressing generosity and appreciation, potentially making a positive first impression.
Setting the stage for future dates:
For some, the act of paying for the first date is a way to pave the way for future interactions. It can create a sense of security and comfort for the other person, knowing that the man is considerate and willing to invest in the relationship.
Now, many of you are going to sit there and say ‘WeEeeELLL, shouldn’t the girl be creating a sense of security too?’ You’re not wrong, you’re just misguided. As many older men say, ‘the fact that she has agreed to go on a date with you is enough of a show of her commitment to getting to know you.’ The double standard goes crazy, I know, but wise words cannot be ignored now, can they?
The against case
On the flip side, evolving social norms and the push for gender equality have brought forth compelling arguments against the necessity of a man paying for the first date.
Promoting Equality: In a world striving for gender equality, expecting the man to always pay can reinforce outdated stereotypes. Splitting the bill or alternating who pays can promote a sense of equality and partnership from the very beginning.
Avoiding misunderstandings:
Paying for the date can sometimes create an unintended expectation of reciprocity. Splitting the bill ensures that both parties are on equal footing, reducing the risk of misunderstandings about intentions and future expectations.
Respecting financial situations:
Not all men may be in a financial position to pay for every date. Allowing for flexibility in who pays can take into account individual financial circumstances, ensuring that dating remains enjoyable and stress-free for both parties.
Ultimately, the decision of whether a man should pay on the first date hinges on multiple factors such as how the date went, the financial situation of both parties and a sense of mutual understanding. It’s also essential to consider the dynamics of who initiated the date. If the man asked the woman out, it is generally courteous for him to offer to pay. This gesture aligns with the traditional principle that the inviter takes on the responsibility of covering the costs.
However, it’s equally important to recognise that women today value their independence and might prefer to split the bill or even pay themselves. If the woman offers to contribute, it should be seen as her choice and not as a rejection of the man’s gesture. The key is to communicate openly and respect each other’s preferences.
When it comes to the question of who should pay on the first date, there is no one-size-fits-all answer. While tradition leans towards the man paying, modern perspectives advocate for equality and shared responsibility. The most important factor is mutual respect and understanding.
Conclusively, successful dating is less about who pays the bill and more about the connection and mutual respect between two individuals. Whether you believe the man should pay or the bill should be split, by focusing on the core value of mutual respect, two people can easily navigate a first date.
Image: Lon Christansen
