By Carley McGauran
In the fast-paced, ever-connected world we live in, conversations with our kids are essential. If you too are a parent of school-aged kids, let me offer you a roadmap for more open, meaningful communication with your children (especially when the topics feel really tricky). In the past 18 years as a parent I’ve had countless conversations with my kids about everything from friendships, sex, and healthy eating to navigating the online world. There is no such thing as the ‘right’ way to have a conversation but I’ve discovered a few approaches that really support helpful conversations.
Start with one clear message
When we’re worried about our kids, it can be tempting to dive into everything all at once. But here’s the truth: kids don’t respond well to being bombarded with a whole lot of advice. They often just end up hearing ‘blah blah blah.’ Instead, choose only one main focus for the conversation. Maybe you want to talk about not sharing personal information online, or how to handle peer pressure to watch or play something inappropriate online. Whatever it is, focus what you want to say on that one message, as this will give your kid the best chance of taking on your advice.
Use ‘curious questions’
One of my favorite strategies is using what I call curious questions. Instead of sitting your kids down for a formal talk or lecturing them (which no kid enjoys!), pose a scenario and ask how they’d handle it.
For example, you might say, “I heard about a girl who was asked to send a picture to a boy at school. What would you do if that happened?” or “What if your friends wanted to watch a horror movie that’s rated MA15+? How would you handle that?”
These questions aren’t about testing them — they’re about exploring their thoughts and skills. You’ll learn so much about where they’re at, and then you can build on that with gentle suggestions: “Have you thought about saying this?” or “Would you feel comfortable doing that?”
Timing is everything
‘When’ you have these conversations matters just as much as ‘what’ you say. Where possible, choose a time when your child is relaxed, not hungry, tired, or distracted. Mornings for instance aren’t ideal for everyone. I made the mistake of trying to talk to my daughter before school the other day — and let’s just say it didn’t go well!
The setting is important too. Privacy matters. If siblings or friends are around, you may want to save the conversation for later. You can say, “That’s a great question — let’s chat tonight when it’s just us.”
The magic of the car ride
If there’s one place where conversations can happen more easily, it’s in the car. Why? First, your kids can’t escape (a practical bonus). Second, not being directly face-to-face reduces the intensity and can make it easier for them to open up.
Sometimes you may just need to share information that you know they need, not so much a back and forth conversation. I simply tell my kids on these occasions, “I need to share something with you. You don’t need to say anything right now unless you want to — just listen.” Whether it’s about relationships, safety, or sex and sexuality, car rides can provide a more casual, comfortable way to talk about more serious or sensitive topics.
Movement breaks the intensity
Movement can also work wonders. Shooting hoops, cleaning the kitchen, or walking the dog are great opportunities for conversations. You’re side-by-side rather than face-to-face, which makes it feel less like a lecture and more like a casual chat.
Movies, TV shows, or YouTube videos can be powerful conversation starters. Watching these together can spark discussions about relationships, choices, and consequences, all while keeping things more engaging.
Managing big feelings
When it comes to emotional topics, it’s natural for you to feel upset or frustrated — especially if your child has made a mistake or is struggling with a challenge. But here’s the thing: they’re already carrying big feelings of their own. They don’t need the full force of yours on top of that.
Check in with how you are feeling before you start the conversation. Maybe talk to another adult first. Vent, debrief, and let it out. Then, when you’re calmer, approach your child. No one’s perfect — I’ve tipped my big feelings on my kids before too, that’s okay. But I’ve learned that when I’m calmer, we have much better conversations.
Bedtime chats
Some kids love to open up at bedtime. If you have one of those kids who starts spilling all their thoughts and feelings just as it’s meant to be lights out, it might be worth adjusting their routine. I shifted bedtime earlier for my chatty kids, telling them, “I love our talks, so let’s make time for them before lights out.”
These moments are precious. They’re when your child feels safe and comfortable to open up and share their worries, questions, and experiences. Make space for you and them to embrace this opportunity.
Progress, not perfection
Let me leave you with this: there are no perfect parents. There are no perfect conversations. We all make mistakes. What I’ve learned is that actively making space often for conversations makes a big difference.
Our kids are navigating a complex digital world, and it’s our job to mentor them. By creating space for open, curious, and calm conversations, we can support them in growing the skills and capacities they need to make safer and healthier choices online — and strengthen our connection with them in the process.
So, next time you’re wondering how to bring up a tricky topic, remember: keep it simple, stay curious, and choose your timing. You’ve got this.
Carley McGauran is a psychologist and mum, co-presenter of the Raising Kids in a Digital World seminar for parents and carers.
Carley McGauran is part of the Inform & Empower cyber safety education team. They are a Trusted eSafety Provider based in Footscray who partner with over 200 primary schools around Australia.
