By Marie Vakakis
There’s a lot going on right now.
As a client said to me recently, “It all feels so hopeless sometimes.”
The state of politics feels unsteady. The climate crisis is no longer a future problem. The cost of living keeps rising. There are wars, unrest and constant reminders that the world doesn’t feel safe or stable. This is all after years of COVID19 and lockdowns. Sometimes it feels like, will we ever get a break?
Then there’s the personal layer. The stuff that keeps happening in our everyday lives.
The young people who come to see me are anxious about their futures. They’re trying to study, find work, and wondering if they’ll ever be able to move out of home. Parents are worried about their children’s wellbeing, their relationships and their ageing parents. Work stress doesn’t stop just because everything else is hard.
It’s a lot to hold.
Uncertainty can creep in slowly or hit all at once. Sometimes it shows up in your body before your brain catches on. You might feel foggy and lethargic. Snappy or irritable, or even struggling to make small decisions.
Sleep gets disrupted. Not getting enough or feeling like no amount of sleep leaves you rested. Eating patterns shift. You might start forgetting things or avoiding conversations.
It doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. It means something is happening.
In therapy, making space for uncertainty often means not rushing to fix it. There’s space to name what you’re feeling and sit with it. That might sound simple, but it’s not always easy. Most of us are taught to move past discomfort. To push through. To solve.
But not everything needs a solution right away.
People often expect themselves to cope better. To stay in control. So they tighten their grip. Try to manage the people around them. Keep routines rigid so things feel more predictable. But that kind of control is fragile. It can turn into shame or blame when things still feel unsteady.
Some people feel guilty or weak for not handling things ‘better’.
It makes sense that it’s hard. This isn’t about failing to cope. It’s about being human in an overwhelming world.
One thing that can help is understanding the circle of control. It’s a way of noticing what’s actually in your hands and what isn’t.
Imagine three rings:
Inner circle: What you can control
Your thoughts, actions and responses.
Example: Choosing to take a break when you’re overwhelmed.
Middle circle: What you can influence
Things you can affect, but not fully control, like conversations, routines or shared spaces.
Example: Asking for support at work or setting a boundary with someone.
Outer circle: What you can’t control
The economy, the news, and other people’s choices.
Example: You can’t control interest rates or how someone reacts.
Focusing on the centre helps free up energy. It doesn’t mean you don’t care, it means you’re choosing where to put your effort.
Letting go of what’s outside your control can free up energy for the things that matter.
Five things you can do when everything feels too much:
- Name the feeling. Say it out loud or write it down.
- Ask yourself what’s in your control right now. Focus there.
- Take a small action. Get outside. Have a nutritious meal.
- Reach out. Tell someone what you need, maybe just company or space to vent.
- Rest. Not as a reward, but because your body needs it.
You don’t have to do all of these. One is enough. And you don’t have to do it alone.
You don’t need to have it all figured out. Some days, just naming how hard it feels is enough.
Life comes with suffering and pain. It’s unavoidable. But that doesn’t mean we have to ignore it. And dwelling in it endlessly doesn’t help either.
There’s space for both. To notice what hurts and to stay connected to what matters. Even in the mess, you can find small moments of steadiness.
You’re allowed to take things one step at a time.
Marie Vakakis is a Couple and Family Therapist and Accredited Mental Health Social Worker
