By Carley McGauran
As a psychologist and a parent of three, gaming has been a big part of life in our house for many years. I know conversations about gaming can bring up different strong opinions for parents. Some families embrace it, some feel constantly frustrated by it, and others are simply unsure where to draw the line.
The reality is that gaming is a huge part of many children’s social worlds. Even if gaming is not happening regularly in your own home, your child will likely come across it at a friend or family member’s house, on playdates, at sleepovers or through conversations at school. That is why I think it is so important for parents to understand what healthy gaming looks like, and also what signs might suggest gaming is becoming unhealthy.
Let’s start with exploring some green flags.
One of the biggest green flags is open conversation. Healthy gaming starts with parents staying curious and engaged. We often naturally ask our kids about school, sport, dance or friendships, but many of us avoid conversations about gaming simply because we are not interested in it ourselves or see it as just bad for them.
If gaming matters to your child, it is worth talking about.
Years ago, when my boys were loving Fortnite, I learned a huge amount about the game. This was not because I loved it, but because understanding the games they loved helped me make informed decisions about safety, boundaries and balance.
Another green flag is supervision. In our home, gaming devices stayed in shared family spaces when my boys were in primary school. They absolutely wanted to game in their bedrooms with the door shut, and gosh my life would have been so much quieter if I let them, but for me, supervision mattered so much more. Being able to hear a little and see a little helps us as parents stay connected to what is happening online.
Healthy gaming also includes clear boundaries. That means knowing what games your child is playing, setting limits around gaming time, encouraging breaks and making sure gaming is balanced with offline activities. I often talk about the importance of balancing screen time with “green time”. Green time is all the important offline experiences kids need too, whether that is sport, creative play, time outdoors or simply connecting with family and friends.
Having parental controls set up is another strong green flag. They can help reduce the risk of children accessing inappropriate content or communicating with strangers online.
There are also some red flags parents should pay attention to.
One red flag is a consistent pattern of aggression or rage during gaming. I am not talking about the occasional frustration after losing a game. What concerns me more is when gaming regularly leads to significant anger, distress or emotional outbursts that children are struggling to manage.
Another red flag is when gaming starts replacing everything else. If a child loses interest in hobbies, friendships, physical activity or family time and becomes completely focused on gaming, that is worth paying attention to.
Schools are also increasingly reporting friendship conflicts linked to gaming. Arguments that begin online during games can often spill into the classroom and playground the next day.
Meltdowns around stopping gaming can also signal that things are becoming unhealthy. These games are designed to keep players engaged, so it is normal for children to find it difficult to stop. If every transition away from gaming leads to major conflict or distress, parents may need to step back and reassess the balance.
Another major red flag for me is children interacting with strangers through gaming platforms, voice chat or messaging features. Primary school aged children should not be chatting privately with random people online while gaming.
Finally, I always encourage parents to pay close attention to age ratings. Some games are rated for mature audiences for a reason. Even if children are not directly playing these games, they may still be watching gameplay videos or livestreams online through platforms like YouTube or Twitch, often with highly adult language and content layered over the top.
Parenting around gaming is not always easy, and our kids will mostly not appreciate the boundaries we set. Mine certainly did not! However, tolerating their frustration about the boundaries, being involved, staying curious and recognising the green flags and red flags can help us as families build healthier digital habits over time.
Carley McGauran is a psychologist, parent and member of the team at Inform & Empower, a Footscray-based organisation delivering cyber safety and digital wellbeing education to primary schools across Australia.
