Carried Away Caravan Capers Cause Chaos
It’s My Nature Strip And I’ll Park There If I Want To, But I Bloody Well Can’t So WTF? Of [address withheld] writes:
Dear Westie, My next-door neighbours have a caravan, which is nice; I’m happy for them. What I’m not happy about is that they park it right out front of my place ALL THE TIME. It’s a fair sized caravan that, along with the street trees, blocks a lot of light, which makes me sad. They have the room to park this caravan in their driveway, but they don’t. They have 2 cars, one of which is parked in the driveway, the other outside their house. On the odd occasion when they do take the caravan for a jaunt, they use one car to tow the caravan, the other is driven directly in place of the caravan outside my house, thereby reserving the space until they bring the caravan back. This drives me mad. Am I mad? Should this bother me?
Well, IMNSAIPTIIWTBIBWCSWTFOAW, what a pickle! Let’s tackle your questions in the order they were asked. Firstly, ‘Are you mad?’ Probably, but this may have nothing to do with you and everything to do with the ridiculously insensitive grey nomad, nature strip leechers you are geographically burdened with. I’m sure they think they’re being so cunning and clever, and that you have no idea whose car it is that miraculously appears in front of your house once the caravan goes. If only they knew how tiresomely childish their little scheme is.
Further, how selfish! If it was ace fun having a caravan permanently parked outside your house you can bet your bottom dollar they’d be parking it outside theirs, and woe betide anyone who got in their way. But they don’t, do they, because they know that having a mouldering rectangular bloc of Soviet-era holiday design camped outside your house, sucking up all available vitamin D, is a particularly sad and pathetic kind of hell.
Should this bother you? Well, Yes. It’s clearly driven me mad and I’m only reading about it. So, what are your options? What can you do?
Well, you could call the council and have it towed if it is oversize i.e. over 7.5 metres in length. Alternatively, and I’m sure a lot more fun, would be to stick ‘Free – please take’ signs all over the caravan. You could also take the hubcaps off, fill them with prawns and put them back on, that ought to ruin their next trip. Could you call a locksmith and have the locks changed? Maybe you, or a friend with a ute, could tow the van round the corner. Or could you buy a caravan and have it delivered to their place with instructions to reverse it into the driveway? Your options (for revenge) are limited only by your imagination and the depth of your neighbour-induced psychosis which, from this angle, appears bottomless. Will you let me know what transpires, or should I just keep an eye out for you on the 7pm news in coming weeks?
From last edition
In last month’s Dear Westie, we tackled the burning issue of teenage slang. Well, that was a mistake. Not because we didn’t strike a chord, but because we have no idea what kind of chord we actually struck viz: @Homedude of Yarraville wrote: ‘Yo Skidz? Rizz this AF’. Eshay4eva of Williamstown said, simply said ‘Low key ded’. Still others wrote: ‘Cheugy, cheugy, cheugy.’ ‘Snatched Tea.’ And ‘Thirsty Vanilla! Yassify my ass.’ We thank these readers for their contributions. We think. No Cap.
*A previous image of a caravan which appeared with this article has been removed. It was not the caravan being referred to in the article.
