To Skibidi or not to Skibidi: that is the OG Low Key, Big Yikes, Question, Boomer!
‘Skibidi Toilet, Stop Rizzing my Sigma – It’s So Sus Ohio’ of Altona writes:
Dear Westie, I can’t talk to my teenagers anymore. I don’t actually want to talk to them most of the time (beside the point) but when I do or when I have to, like if I go on a cereal bowl recovery mission into their bedrooms and happen to ask them a really invasive question like, ‘Have you got any washing?’ I end up with an earful of Skibidi Toilet-mouth slang. I don’t understand it, I don’t want to understand it. I just want it to stop. What can I do?
Yo STSRMSISSOOA Dude, Chill. Calm your farm, take a break Jake, stay in your lane Jane. You’re sounding so boomer. Of course your kids use words you don’t understand, that’s what being a teenager is all about.
I know things were different when we were kids, but that’s because we were perfect unlike the children of today who should be seen and not heard, and if I’m honest, most of the time, actually not seen.
Sure, we used slang too, but phrases like: ‘Sit on it Fonzie’, ‘Get nicked’, ‘Rack off’ and ‘Suffer in your Jocks’ have a certain je ne sais quoi, a certain musicality, a certain – dare I say it – poetry about them that is just missing from modern day teen-speak.
But, if you really want them to stop using those words then the best way to do so is for you to start using them, especially in conversations with them and their mates.
One dose from you of ‘Hi [insert teenage child’s friend’s name], how’s your day? I’ve just had a Rizz on the Skibidi Toilet’ will cause them so much embarrassment that not only will they never use slang words in front of you again. They will also never let their friends get within 100 metres of you – which is a win in my Skibidi book. You might also throw in a couple of break dance moves just to fully freak them out and shut them down. Seal the deal by posting video of you doing this on TikTok – and tag in their friends. Drip.
From last edition
In last month’s Dear Westie, we broached the issue of soap squidging – the process of using a technique similar to the Vulcan Mind Meld to force an old sliver of soap to bond permanently with a new bar. Many readers suggested there was nothing wrong with this and that it shows good sense and an endearing frugality. One reader, ‘Out Damn Spot!’ from Dillon Montana in the USA – yes The Westsider does reach that far – suggested she had never heard of squidging, which just goes to show how standards are slipping in terms of education in that country. Still others have asked us to delve deeper into this contentious issue, and while we at The Westsider would love to do so, our editor has asked us to wash our hands of the whole thing. Which we would happily do if only we could find some practical way to make effective use of the tiny sliver of soap in The Westsider bathroom.
