Can you ‘bags’ a car park by standing in it?
It’s My Parking Space and I’ll Gladly Run Over You to Claim it if I Want To, of Williamstown, writes: Dear Westie, I was running late to an exhibition opening recently. Parking was scarce but thankfully my eagle eyes spotted a car park. However, as I began to reverse towards it, a woman ran into the parking spot to save it for her husband who was still a couple of lanes away. She was adamant that she could bags this spot by standing in it, but I ignored her, driving my car as far as I could into the space. Eventually she realised that I wasn’t going to move out of the way and gave up. Was I right in insisting she move? Can you bags a spot by standing in it?Well, IMPSAIGROYTCIIIWT, I feel your pain, as your parking opponent would have too, had you continued to drive your car as far as you could into the space. There are two issues at play here. Firstly, no, you cannot bags a space by standing in it, as you similarly cannot bags a husband simply by standing next to any man you fancy. If standing in or near something constituted an acknowledged ownership or right to a thing, then we’d all be standing next to the broccoli bin in Coles – am I right? Have you seen how much that stuff costs these days?
The second, and more concerning, issue at play here though, is your seeming willingness to mow down anyone who gets in your way on the highway. Road rage much? How far was ‘as far as [you] could’? Did you crush her pumps? Did your bumper bump her knees? This kind of naked aggression, as righteous and as justifiable as it obviously was, is not always seen as such by the community at large, nor the constabulary. A far better response to this situation would have been to give up the space; let your opponent play her greedy car park guzzling game. Be the bigger person and drive away, park somewhere else, enjoy the extra walk to the gallery, and on your way there, as you pass her car, key it, break off a wing mirror and fill her key holes with superglue. If possible, photocopy your bum on the way (there’s an Officeworks on almost every corner these days) and paste copies of it all over her windscreen. And, if she and her husband end up at the same gallery event, stand next to him, yell ‘he’s my husband now!’ and get fully conjugal on him, like some installation art piece from the 60s. Better to be arrested for public lewdness that attempted manslaughter.
Poop scoop update!
In last month’s Westsider, we dealt with the issue of lazy dog owners who refuse to pick up after their pooches. And we touched a nerve! Just days after publication, our mailbox was filled to bursting with neatly knotted, little green plastic mail pouches. Here is a quick selection of their responses:
Scoop it Yourself of Seddon suggests we all carry a roll of poop bags on our persons so we might thereby pick up any poop we pass and thereby ‘help the neighbourhood’.
MK insists, very emphatically, that the best way to avoid stepping in ‘stinky landmines’ is to, and I quote: ‘Look. Where. You. Are. Going.’ OK. We. Get. It.
Free Compost of Newport very helpfully offers the following advice: ‘Get over yourself snowflake’.
While we thank everyone for their responses, and we accept that we may have touched a nerve, The Westsider, In the intetests of creating safer communities for all, maintains the following line: Your pooch, your plop, your pick up.
If anything in this column has raised issues for you, or if there’s anything you’d like to get off your chest, write to Dear Westie via editor@thewestsider.com.au
