ASK PETE – YOUR FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS SOLVED! [NOV 2018]

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Back by unpopular demand, it’s Pete telling you what you should do!

Hi Pete, OK it was Ride2Work Day last week and I did the right thing but ended up it was raining so I had to take my bike on the train. Should have seen the looks I got. Fair?

Julia, Altona (via Facebook messenger)

OK let me get this straight Julia. Wait is that your real name? Whatever, let’s look at the facts here. Its National Ride2Work Day, you’ve carb loaded, squeezed into your lycra, greased the chain, memorised your personal best time… and now you’re telling me you’ve tried to cram your bike on the train? On the biggest day of the year for bikes? (With the exception of Around the Bay, The Great Victorian Bike Ride, Ride for the Kids, World Bike Day, and the Finale’ of Le Tour de France) Oh and I wonder what the thoughts were behind these looks you got? Probably things like “Gees you’ve got a bike, why don’t you ride it?” and “One drop of rain and you give up!” and “Ouch my bloody shin!” Some redemption is in order Julia, I think what you should do is make every day Ride2Work Day until further notice. Next!


Pete I’ve been away from the west the last 3 years and just came back 2 months ago. Not sure what’s changed but it seems like my time is now spent playing dodgems with headphone zombies crossing the road and walking down the shops, reminds me of the old days of frogger and pacman!

Gordon, Seddon (via email)

OK Gordon, level with me, why would anyone want to leave the west? Where could you possibly have gone that has a beach, great coffee, a magnificent cinema and disused parking meters? And those people you speak of? They’re not listening to music. No, they’re ignoring you, because they know. They know you went out into the wide world in search of something… better. But you didn’t find it, did you Gordon? No, and now you have to win back everybody’s trust – theirs, mine, and the barista you used to know at Cafe X who has now mysteriously popped up at Cafe Y. Yes – that froth you got on top of your long black this morning? That’s a message my friend. A message about loyalty, community, and belief. Or to be honest he could have just stuffed up your order, but that wouldn’t really be worth writing about, would it now…?


Pete here’s a dilemma for you. At my favourite bar we ordered the trio of dips and bread, but run out of bread – as you do. Politely asked if we could have some more bread so we could finish our dips – as you do. Staff obliged but soon we realised we’d actually run out of dip but still had some bread left. Now what’s protocol here?

Steve, Williamstown Beach (via email)

Steve do you see what you’ve done presenting me with that little slice of fried gold? Think about it – run out of bread so ask for more to go with your dips, run out of dips so ask for more to go with your bread, run out of bread again… Play your cards right, and you could technically stretch this out for a week my friend! No reason why it couldn’t be applied to other situations as well; cheese and crackers, nachos and guacamole, scones and jam. The applications are endless. You know what, you’ve inspired me, there’s something even vaguely biblical about this, I’m having visions of fish and loaves. Steve is it possible you are glowing right now? Think of the bigger picture, you may have unlocked a way to solve world hunger! The only thing standing in your way are the stingy bartenders of the world and their cohorts – the bread-and-dip police!

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