ASK PETE – YOUR FIRST WORLD PROBLEMS SOLVED!

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Like the smell that wafts over the inner west and yet is hard to define or locate, so too Pete is still hanging around, waiting to solve your first world problems.

Pete I was in the supermarket last week, and was appalled to see grocery items like cucumbers and capsicums wrapped in plastic! Don’t they get it that they are already wonderfully encased in natures wrapping?

Charlotte, West Footscray (via email)

Oh here we go. Why are you inner-westies so obsessed with supermarkets? Look you don’t realise it but you are wanting the best of both worlds here Charlotte, and I reckon you’ve got to choose. Sure, take the plastic off your fruit and veg, but don’t forget, all those other shoppers have been wiping their grubby hands all over the produce, rubbing in their salmonella, influenza and measles – fondling your dinner!. What does this mean? It means you’re going to have to wash it all anyway before you use it – in fresh water! One of our other most precious resources (along with plastic). You’re probably going to have to use chemical detergent too! And where does that ends up? In the waterways of course! And if you really want to blow your mind Charlotte, next time you’re out, count how many plastic products are actually wrapped in plastic packaging. The horror – plastic wrapped in plastic! Plastic bags, plastic cutlery sets, plastic straws, plastic plates, bubble wrap…


Hi Ask Pete, the building I work in has a new tenant that seems to have dozens of fleet vehicles, and now there are no parking spaces near here, they’ve taken them all. I even tried coming in early one morning at 6am and they were still already all taken! Now what?

Craig, Altona North (Accosted Pete in the street)

Craig if they are ‘fleet’ vehicles, as you say, then surely they must come and go during the day as those people go about their business? So what you should do is, hang around in the car park for a few hours one morning, and as soon as someone finally leaves with their carpet samples, or gluten free bread retail display, or dollar-mite banking colouring-in books, snaffle that spot, and just park your car there permanently! That’s right, no bastard is ever going to take your work parking space again because you’re never going to leave! Summer, winter, spring and autumn, through rain, hail, sunshine and a ton of bird-droppings, that space is yours now my friend. Of course it does cause a problem when you need to go to the shops, or the movies, or visit your mum, but that’s what Uber is for right?


Pete recently I was trapped in the movies when the people in my aisle didn’t want to leave until the ENTIRE credits had finished, yet do you think they would let me get past? No way! OK admittedly they were probably still upset from when I arrived late and had to squeeze past them in the dark (and stood on the gentleman’s toe) Left me thinking though, was this just an act of petty revenge?

Reese, Kingsville (via email)

Oh Reese, petty revenge is sweeter than a Sun Theatre choc-top my friend. It’s better than the joy of sitting with your loved one, enjoying the latest Nicholas Sparks movie, hogging the tissues, and yes, even greater than allowing a fellow cinema-goer to pass you and escape said credits. You see there’s a thing called cinema etiquette Reese, and it involves sitting down in your designated seat (before the movie starts) turning off your phone, settling quickly, and shutting up. Transgression may result especially swift, and on the surface, unjust punishment – dished out by the people for the people, and by the sounds of it, you got off lightly!

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