ASK PETE – JUNE 2015

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Electric toothbrush won’t hold its charge? Click-bait getting you down? Can’t find your towel? Don’t worry, Pete has been there and done that…

Hi Pete, here’s one for you, my wife and I recently went out to our favourite local restaurant, and get this; not only has the menu changed (for the worse) but we had to send the salad dressing back – twice!

Fanny-Mae, Seddon

Pete says: “What you should do is… write to your local member of parliament! How dare they! Better still, get on to one of those online review websites and get furious behind that keyboard of yours, leaving the most damning review the system will allow – one star is too many for those who are negligent in their salad-dressing duties. Although, being a small business bordering on extinction, probably run by a long-suffering husband and wife team, they would likely appreciate just being taken aside and given some quiet feedback about their products and services, which will help them and ensure they survive and are still there for you as your favourite in the future. Bah! Look at me getting soft in my old age – type away and pulverise them into oblivion, you deserve your revenge!

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Pete I am sick to death of my favourite TV show’s being interrupted by these bloody newsflashes. I know bad stuff happens in the world, but this always seems to happen to me when I’m watching Two and a Half Men, or Reno Rumble!

Frank, Point Cook

Pete says: “What you should do is… stop watching that drivel! At least if you told me you were watching the news on SBS I could feel some sort of sympathy for you. Er, which I suppose technically would mean you’d already be watching the exact type of ‘news’ you don’t want to see, wouldn’t it – you know, landslides, earthquakes and wars – generally your fellow human-kind in various states of suffering, so that wouldn’t do. No, Frank maybe you should push hard for Channel 9 to buy SBS – that way they could interrupt the ‘World News’ with your kind of newsflash – like a quick cut-away to the Brownlow Medal red carpet, or The Block Reveals!

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Pete someone needs to invent ‘tangle-free’ headphones. The second I start running, mine tie me up like a strait-jacket

Felix, WEFO

Pete says: “What you should do is… kill two birds with one stone! See, what you’re actually saying is that those darn tangled headphones are driving you ‘nuts’. And if we believe the Hollywood stereotypes about being ‘nuts’, a strait-jacket is exactly what you need! So my advice? Run wild, go with the flow, and drive yourself batty as a bedbug. You’ll already be sorted for restraints, and think of what you’ll save in medical equipment and specialists! Or you could just not run Felix – seriously, just go home mate!

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