ASK PETE – JULY 2015
Get a bad haircut? Can’t decide which shoes to wear? Got a mechanic that keeps changing your driver’s seat preferences? Still waiting for the NBN? Just say “LOL” and get down and dirty with Pete!
OK Mr problem-solving-guru, we booked an Airbnb holiday house down at Barwon Heads for a weekend based on the description that stated it had a ‘fully equipped kitchen’. So imagine our dismay when it turned out that there was not a potato masher or bagel slicer in sight! Whatever happened to honesty?
Pete says; “What you should do is… buy the missing utensils and post them to the owner of the holiday house! Not only are you taking the moral high-ground by your display of generosity, infinite understanding and unparalleled forgiveness, but think of the immense pain and suffering you are saving others in the future – poor souls who may not be as fortunate as you, and were expecting to find an apple corer, pizza slicer and olive pitter in this woefully under-resourced hell hole!”
Pete my family can’t decide whether to go to Fiji, The Cook Islands, or Hawaii this winter, it’s starting to put a real strain on the household, what should we do?
Pete says; “What you should do is… go to Phillip Island! Do they have penguins on The Cook Islands? Can you stay in a caravan next to Waikiki beach? Are there any decent fish and chip shops in Fiji? No. So Georgia as clear head of this family you need to feed your mob a large dose of get-over-yourselves, and reset their idea of a ‘dream destination’, especially when the combination of frisbee-golf, the Cowes maze and the Cuckoo-clock farm are within a few hours easy reach by car!”
Pete, my 8 year old daughter dropped my iPad in our pool, it’s getting fixed under warranty but they wouldn’t give me a loaner, so in the meantime I have to use my wife’s sucky Samsung tablet. No one else would stand
Greg, South Kingsville
Pete says; “What you should do is… behave like any other responsible parent would – and extract sweet revenge from your delinquent daughter! She has sent the love of your life to ‘tech heaven’ leaving you with a crappy substitute, so to show her how justice works in this world, you need to identify and replace her most cherished belongings with utter rubbish! That teddy bear she’s clung to ever since she could crawl? Confiscate it and hand her a smelly old pair of footy socks that missed out on last week’s wash. The baby blanket that was a present from her godparents – the one she chewed on when she was teething? I’m sure there’s a soggy old dishcloth you can replace that with. And the story book you have lovingly read her every single night for the last 8 years? An old copy of the Herald Sun that’s been lining the kitty litter tray for the last week seems like a fair replacement under the circumstances!